Fictie Schrijfsels

I am going to live exactly the kind of life  you had wished for me that will be my final  and greatest act of love *** I dreamt I was home with my mother beside her broken heart at my brother's departure I dreamt she was me I was her (in a cosmic sense) My dad was there opened my brother's room under the bed  a cloud of dust to me he turned and said: Dust clouds of Gaia Remember princess: when you're dead you're really dead. *** I am going to live exactly the kind of life  you had wished for me that will be my final  and greatest act of love

Did I lose something, that night? that night you told me lie still, don’t push, don’t fight Did I lose something, that night? What was it I had?  Was it whole, undented unscratched, untangled? Strangled words tried to escape- I tried to escape Did I?  Did I lose something, that night? that night you told me don’t cry, I’ll hold you tight Did I lose something, that night? What was it I had?  that was not ashamed not tainted, not deranged What was it I had? Before I changed? Did I change? Did you change me?  Can you dent someone into a different shape my body forever, somehow yours? And they  call it rape? Strange word, hard word Hard to say, hard to endure  Suddenly the memory’s blurred so absurd It’s not real, not real It never happened  Don’t feel, don’t feel Did I  lose something that night? A playful smile, a simpler pain Did I lose something, that night? Was it ever yours to gain?