Poem: Did I lose?

Did I lose something, that night?

that night you told me

lie still, don’t push, don’t fight

Did I lose something, that night?

What was it I had? 

Was it whole, undented

unscratched, untangled?

Strangled words

tried to escape-

I tried to escape

Did I? 

Did I lose something, that night?

that night you told me

don’t cry, I’ll hold you tight

Did I lose something, that night?

What was it I had? 

that was not ashamed

not tainted, not deranged

What was it I had?

Before I

changed?

Did I change? Did you change me? 

Can you dent someone into a different shape

my body forever, somehow yours? And they 

call it rape?

Strange word, hard word

Hard to say, hard to endure 

Suddenly the memory’s blurred

so absurd

It’s not real, not real

It never happened 

Don’t feel, don’t feel

Did I 

lose something

that night?

A playful smile, a simpler pain

Did I lose something, that night?

Was it ever yours to gain?